In just under two weeks, I will be married to the most beautiful, humble, inspiring woman in the world.  It’s an exciting time for us.  But I must tell you that this past year has been exhausting.  What with all the planning that needs done.  All the contacts and logistical gymnastics one must perform to ensure everything goes off without a hitch.  Do we put too much pressure on that one, albeit special, day?

Let’s talk about traditions for a moment.  How ridiculous have most of these traditions mutated into?  Let’s dig into how they began and what they mean today. 

1. Cake in the face – History:  A cool way to break the ice, or a cool way to for the bride’s sex drive to turn to ice after realizing you’ve just ruined her new dress?  We won’t be smooshing cake in each other’s faces.  We will be eating it.
2. The bouquet toss – History:  In early times, women were not treated very well.  And since it was considered lucky to receive a piece of the bride’s dress, witnesses would tear portions off as tokens of good things to come.  In not particularly enjoying this part of the ceremony, women opted to create a new one; and so was born the tradition of garter/bouquet throwing.  I’m not a superstitious person, neither is Kathryn.  I think we can do without the extra “luck.”
3. The Rice Throw – History:  Food, in olden times, was not so plentiful.  Throwing “away” of one’s precious rice was considered somewhat of a gift.  A lucky token.  I think we can do without this.  We’re giving our guests bubbles to blow for our wedding.
4. The Chicken Dance/Macarena/Electric Slide/Hokey… You Get the Idea:  We had actually considered doing all of these dances as entertainment for our guests.  Then we went to YouTube and watched the billions of other couples doing the same thing.  We couldn’t help but smile at the fun they were having and then the pity came.  No… we most certainly will not be partaking in the chicken dance.  lol
5. The Dollar Dance:  History:  This was seen as a way to earn extra cash for the hard times ahead.  Solicit out the bride to all ogling males.  I don’t think I’m comfortable with men getting a little grope-session of my new wife for the sake of their 20 bucks.
6. The Cheesy Montage:  This comes from the same traditions of why we dress nice to go to church on sunday.  We’re not going to be dressing too much further from what we normally would.  I’ve seen wedding photos of rednecks who are lucky to take a bath before going to church, all dressed up in a tux and looking so awkward.  Be comfortable on your special day.  To hell with what others think.  If it’s that big a deal, maybe they shouldn’t have been invited on your special day.
7. The Toast:  Okay, first, there will be alcohol at our wedding.  An open bar.  And given our families collective history with alcohol, talking with an audience of loved ones at their disposal just doesn’t somehow seem like such a good idea.
8. The Pushy DJ:  This is a wedding, not a night club.  The DJ will know that yelling for grandma to “Shake her booty fat” will not sit well with grandpa.
9. The garter/bouquet match – History:  This goes with number two above.  The single man who catches the garter, and the single woman who catches the bouquet are matched up.  The man takes the bride’s garter and places it on the leg of the woman.  And then steals a dance.  And, if she’s pretty, hopefully take the garter back off later.  lol  Seriously though, this creates too much pressure.  This isn’t the dark ages.  Mates are made these days by two people meeting on an intellectual level.  The old “if the man finds you attractive, he gets you” ideology has gone by the way side.

So… do any of these traditions make any real sense in our modern society?  I don’t think so.  What do you think?

Mine and Kathryn’s invitations photo:I love you, sweety…